Rico Penguin

  Islean (Pronouned Ill-lee-an) is another integral part of the story that I feel should be discussed, formerly and rather unprofessionally called “isle walkers” in previous versions of my rough draft this is the new and likely final name of an exceptional class of humanoids.

  As usual this may involve spoilers so I’m going to put it behind a clip.

(continue reading…)

The following is the pre-edited final version of the short story “The Alabaster Bonobo”. You will notice Grammar problems and that’s why I have a wonderful editor. However as a story I am extremely pleased with how this turned out.

 

There is a smell of death in the air. As Spiders weave their webs throughout the corridors of cobwebs in hopes of catching the unperceptive. To inject their venom and gaze as their prey turns to goo before their eyes.

Beneath this jungle of decay stands a man who shares in the wealth of death. His bones fragile and his spirit withering with each passing moment. He stands, quietly gazing upon his workbench, his breath slow and methodical.

"Are you the answer?" The old man stared upon a 1 foot cube of Alabaster, gazing at its unblemished exterior as moments of his life flowed through his mind. "Are you my legacy?"

It had been almost forty years since it happened. As he watched it all unravel, as he felt the bite. He remembered the pain so well, felt the burning of his insides as his organs turned to mush. Oh how long he had wished the venom would consume him fully but it never did.

Though he did die that day. His dreams-his desires-all lost in a single act of liberation. His love stolen right before his eyes and carted off like cattle to the slaughter. How could he be so weak? How could he accept such loss?

"You are my child now." The old man ran his hand across the top of the cube. The Alabaster was as soft as skin to the touch and he swore he could feel a slight warmth from it. "I just wish I knew."

Deprideo gazed up the dusty stairs of his basement. The door closed tightly. He peered around the room, the faint glow of the sun forcing its way through the dirt encrusted basement windows of his home. "How did you get here?"

His heart beat to a song he had long since forgotten. Thump-thump-thump. He wondered just how it would feel, as the last beat fluttered off into silence. Would it hurt as he slowly lost consciousness? No pain could surpass the rape of his innocence…no pain could surpass the murder of his mind.

It is the sick joke of life. That we enter this world hearing voices, seeing a blurred universe around us, as sea of confusion and myth and we leave in exactly the same fashion. It was this knowledge that made what came next nothing of a surprise to the old man.

Can you hear me?

The voice came from nowhere and everywhere all at the same time. As if standing in the middle of a hundred fold people whispering in tandem at him.

Can you hear me-Deprideo?

The old man peered around the room slowly, his eyes fogged over like steam covered mirrors. "It is entirely possible yes."

Do you feel me?

Deprideo ran his hand across his grizzled face. A thick white beard pushed against his palm. "I fear that I feel little these days." Deprideo focused at the dark spots of his basement hoping to uncover the form of the voice. "I wonder though. Who is me?"

A soft chuckle fluttered like a butterfly within his mind.

A fine question. I am many things, I have many names, however once upon a time the people of this land called me by one name: Calamity.

Deprideo’s eyes grew wide, light reflecting off of them like pearls. "This is truly an honor. I find myself more often hearing the musings of crickets and moths."

You are not as far gone as you think Deprideo. This is not merely the latest betrayal of your mind. I’ve come to you.

Deprideo sat on the edge of his workbench, his back cracking as he stretched. "I fear that if I put my faith in the voices again that I will find myself even further in despair. Have you come to mock me?"

Do you even know how that block came to you?

Deprideo looked to his side at the cube.

You have before you my essence Deprideo.

"You have certainly had to cut back on appearance haven’t you? It seems that not only mortals are hurting for gold."

The voice once again chuckled.

You are perfect.

Deprideo gave a faint smile. "Tell me something I don’t know."

You were born with only one kidney.

Deprideo placed his hands against his lower back and pressed lightly. "Ah. I knew it. I have always felt a bit off balance."

Within his mind Deprideo could see a cloud forming. A million different colors clashing with one another as a storm began to brew.

It is time we met. I have for your a proposition.

A bolt of lightning struck within his mind sending a flash of white through his vision. As the white out faded he found himself standing amidst an endless field of darkness.

"I-well-damn."

Before Deprideo the storm floated in the air, tiny clashes of matter against matter created an ever changing mass of plasma.

Do you know what separates law from chaos Deprideo?

"I can’t say that I do."

That you cannot.

"Hmm?"

There is nothing that truly separates law from chaos. It is merely a matter of perception, a false certainty that existence survives upon a set of unbreakable laws. There is in reality no greater certainty in the outcome of a coin toss than the likely hood of existing from moment to moment.

I do not blame the race of mortals for this ignorance. My enemy resides far higher amongst the heavens. The fiery orb that all life prays to, that bastard of unjustly won praise: the sun.

"Couldn’t have found a smaller nemesis?" Deprideo quipped.

There is no greater source of lies upon this land than that heathen. It is the sun that has done this to me.

Deprideo gazed at the cloud of chaos. "The sun turned you into a cloud?"

Slowly the cloud began to coalesce forming with each passing moment something that more and more resembled a human. The androgynous figure spasmed from moment to moment but would return to its form as quickly as it was lost.

No. The sun fueled the bastard who defeated me. It gave him the strength to overcome me and bring law to this land. It is this event that binds us Deprideo.

The old man looked on at the godly visitor. "I am far too old to be dabbling in Bondage Calamity."

Cute. I speak of the Lord King-I speak of your killer.

Deprideo’s face grew solemn, his lips straight as a razor, his eyes as motionless as stones. "I appreciate to no end your presence within my mind Calamity. But I make one request of you. Do not speak that name in the single place I find solemnity."

There is power in such words. You have only begun to see the power of a name my Deprideo. I have been drawn to you because of what binds us. I desire back what is mine and you desire a legacy. I can provide you what you desire most and in return I have a single modest request.

Deprideo approached Calamity. "You can provide me with a Legacy? I believe this corpse can provide you in kind with what you need."

Tonight you will become my Progenitor. You will carve from my essence a figure most perfect. The aura of your killer, of my conqueror, will be embodied within this statuette. Upon its delivery your Legacy will begin and I will restore this land to its proper place.

A lord of mortal beings stands before you requesting aid an promising you a fate greater than life and more powerful than death. Because death is the ultimate example of law, and I will quarter no solace in my progenitor being bound by its lies.

Calamity peeled back the dark wall of Deprideo’s mind to reveal the block resting atop his workbench. As if an automaton, his hands began to move on their own. Grasping hammer and chisel alike, gracefully they moved around the block removing chunk after chunk of Alabaster.

With each swing Deprideo found himself becoming more and more disorientated. His vision began to blur and in a flash he was unconscious.

The morning crept up on the aging home of Deprideo. Perforations riddled his once youthful abode and through them beams of light crawled along the floors and walls. A beam of fiery sun found itself squarely upon his eyes and woke the old man.

"A Dream?" Deprideo rose slowly from the floor. "I should have known. It was too good to be true-" His voice fell silent as he looked at his workbench and saw the Alabaster block no longer present. In its stead a 1 foot tall Bonobo stood motionless before him.

"My…my child. You are so beautiful."

Indeed. You are truly gifted.

Deprideo smiled. "Ah. So there you are." Deprideo rubbed his side, raw from lying on the hard basement ground. "Not a very comfortable journey."

My apologies, I am nowhere near my full strength. Soon that will change.

"It could have been worse. You could have been plot."

Plot?

"The town drunk. He occasionally gets a hold of carriages and makes himself quite dangerous. Few things are frowned upon more than being Plot Driven."

Fascinating.

Deprideo approached the Bonobo and began to marvel at its polished surface. He began to run his hand across it when a shocking sight caught his attention.

"I’m young!"

Indeed you are.

"Is this…part of your gift?"

It is only the beginning my Progenitor.

Deprideo smiled and placed his hand against his soft face. His beard was gone, replaced with a short tuft of hair around his mouth. "I’m going to miss it a little."

Today is the beginning of a new life Deprideo. You’ve already seen what becomes of you when you hold onto the past. Today I am giving you the chance to restart, to return the land to the way it was in the grandest of ways.

"I understand. So who will I be delivering this to."

I know you are younger but you needn’t exaggerate your childhood ignorance.

"Oh. Of course." Deprideo clenched his hand so tight his nails dug into his skin, a few drops of blood pooling in his palm. "Him."

Deprideo grasped the statuette and walked up stairs. The creaking of the home crisply ticking his youthful senses. His cleared vision revealed something even more infuriating to him. "How long have I been living in poverty?"

Deprideo placed the statuette down on a dusty counter near his front door using it to push some old dust books off the top. "You sit here and I’m going to change into something a little more appropriate."

Gazing down at his clothes he scoffed. "I must have been blind. I look terrible." His clothes were riddled with holes and caked with stains from decade upon decade of work and ever depreciating self respect.

Deprideo walked into his room, his bed was in shambles and the floor was riddled with clothing. On a table sat a small portrait. He frowned and walked up closer to it. Holding it against his chest Deprideo began to weep.

Do you want to know why he did it?

Deprideo held the portrait out and gazed into the emerald green eyes of the figure within its frame. "I want to know everything."

A flicker of Calamity appeared in his head, its face shaking disapprovingly.

Once a being knows everything it no longer has reason to wake in the morning. I don’t even know everything and I am a god. There is nothing fruitful about omniscience.

Deprideo wiped the dust from the portrait and placed it back upon the table. "Well then." He paused and dried his eyes. "We’ll start small. Why?"

You’ve heard the nonsense that power corrupts?

"Yes-Yes I have." Deprideo walked over to his clothing cabinet and began to search for a more proper outfit.

Well it’s a foolish notion. However with power does come an ever growing disconnect with oneself and the world around them.

Deprideo paused. "So he became ignorant? Should that make me feel any better?"

No. He must be made an example of, I am telling you this more as a warning.

Pushing aside some of his aged and ragged clothing Deprideo saw a green and silver robe hanging. He cocked a brow and pulled it from the hanger holding it out in front of him. "Another gift?

Calamity laughed. Oh right. How quickly they forget. That Deprideo is the dress of my worshippers.

"Ah. Well if you don’t think this will be too obvious."

You think a conqueror will notice something so unimportant as garb? Trust me Deprideo he will be entirely ignorant of the situation. Your new look will be entirely foreign to him.

The clothing began to cool once he put it on, his skin began to bead up with goose bumps. "Neat trick."

I told you before that the sun is the enemy. You will fear the fiercest wrath of it on your walk to the castle.

"My youth makes me undetectable, my clothing protects me, and the Bonobo will avenge me. Is there anything you do that doesn’t have double purposes?"

Does the sea flow with one thought in mind? Does the wind blow with only a single direction to go? In nature it is the path of least resistance that harbors the most powerful journeyman.

Deprideo walked out into the hall and looked down at the Statuette. "So. Next question."

Yes?

"What is up with the Bonobo?"

Do you really want to know?

"I suppose not."

You are learning. Now we need to hide the Bonobo. If the sun see’s my essence I fear that even the robe will not protect you from its wrath.

"Well that just won’t do. I’ve never been a fan of burns."

Deprideo looked around his living room, in such destitution it appeared the victim of a windstorm. Pushing mounds of trash aside he found a box clad in leather. "There used to be poetry in this box."

How quickly you were crushed.

"Yes. I never thought I could be killed without being touched."

The Bonobo fit into the box as if destined. Deprideo put the leather top on the box snugly and walked towards the front door. Wind blew into his home as he opened the door, the sun was scorching the Earth all around him. It had been so long since he had left his home in the day, always finding food within the bars at the stroke of midnight.

The capital city of Calmius had been built all around a large hill, the hill itself was not quite large enough to be called a mountain, but far too large to not impress. Long dirt roads created an ant farm network leading to various clusters of homes and shops. There was a time when these clusters were separated by class, but as the decades of law settled in everyone slowly degraded to the lower class. It was a nation locked in financial, cultural, and spiritual stagnation.

At the top of the hill resided the Capitol of Calmius, a castle of marble and ivory that reflected the glory of the sun from the moment it rises to the moment it falls. It’s bright glow can be seen for miles in every direction and it stands as a testament to the supreme power of its inhabitant.

His name long since lost during the great war, the Lord King, as he is now known, marched across the entire Isle and settled every region. He brought all of the tribes together and brought to the land, once a flutter with chaos, into a singular state of solidity. In one such assault he single handedly defeated the ten thousand phalanxes of the Scholas. This defeat was so resounding and the news of his immense power was so overwhelming that the entirety of regions he had not yet conquered declared surrender.

However with each conquest he took with him whatever he pleased and many would find themselves alone. Those they loved vanishing. For once you enter the castle, you do not return.

As Deprideo walked towards the Castle he could feel the sun growing ever more fierce. The ground began to give off waves of radiant heat. The townspeople entered their homes and shops to escape the heat, gazing from their windows at the single green clad man marching towards the castle.

"So I must ask. How are we going to get into the castle?"

Deprideo’s inquiry was met with no response.

"Great."

Once again minutes began to melt away until he was standing before the great gates of the castle. Hundreds of archers lined the towers strewn all around the perimeter of the castle, each with their bows at the ready.

The gates began to open, the mechanism of their movement completely alien to the young Deprideo. He approached slowly, making sure not to startle the archers.

Two large mithril clad soldiers stood with massive lances staring right through Deprideo’s eyes into his very soul. As he came within 100 feet of the doors to the castle the first spoke.

"You are expected-" He was cut off almost mechanically by the other soldier. "-enter immediately."

"Neat trick. You two practice that?"

The soldiers did not respond to his inquiry, instead they tapped their lances against the doors and those began to open much like the gate. No chains, no gears, no men, just opening doors revealing another alien environment.

The smell of roast and sex flowed from the doors and slammed into Deprideo’s face nearly knocking him to his feet.

"Good Lord!" Deprideo looked down at the box. "You are so lucky you are in there."

He looked at the Soldiers who appeared oblivious. "That smell could eat the wool off of a sheep." Deprideo smiled. "Am I right?"

Once again he was witness to silence. "I’ll-just be going."

As he took his first step into the castle he heard Calamity in his mind once again.

I liked it.

"Oh. Now you talk! You realize it makes little sense to give me my youth if you are going to leave me shaving years off my life in fear."

I was busy.

"Doing what?" Deprideo quickly followed his question. "Nevermind."

The inside of the castle was the manifestation of excess. From edge to edge the floors were covered in endless layers of silk. Columns of marble reflected walls clad in gold, silver, and diamond. The pungent odor began to fade as he stood in awe.

"I must say Calamity. After seeing this castle I’m feeling a bit short changed."

Funny.

"I thought so."

A serious expression fell over Deprideo’s face. "I hear him."

Yes. That voice is unmistakable.

The path in the castle was singular, a long corridor leading into a large room. As Deprideo walked his steps caused the silk to ripple, sending waves around the room. With each step the waves compounded and the results grew ever more disorientating.

Oh the irony.

The Large room once again had long rows of columns, along the walls were evenly spaced doors that lead to unknown rooms. However the voice of their target could be heard booming from the end of the hall, behind two large jade doors.

How dare he.

As Deprideo approached the jade doors they began to open as those before.

"Alright. That’s it. Will someone please tell me how the hell these doors are opening?"

If I was to guess I would say the doors are fleeing from the smell.

"Oh? Was that a joke? It must be really getting to you too."

Oh shut up.

Deprideo walked into the room, atop a few dozen steps was a massive gold and bone throne. Sitting in it was the equally massive Lord King. In his lap, a young girl clad in nothing but chains. Her expression was one of cold loneliness. In every corner of the room stood archers with their crossbows at the ready pointing towards the visitor.

The Lord King’s voice was as deep and thick as the hairs upon his exposed chest. "I have been expecting you."

Deprideo gazed confused at the Lord King. "You have?"

I told you I was busy.

"Oh. That explains that."

The King looked at the young man equally confused. "What?"

"Nothing. I babble a bit in my youth my apologies."

"To be young. You must enjoy it-" The King slowed his speech expecting Deprideo to state his name. He got nothing in return, with an expression of discontent the King continued. "What is your name?"

"Lord, It has been so long since someone asked me that I must say I have entirely forgotten."

"Curious. I know the feeling." The King looked down at the box in Deprideo’s hands. "That must be my gift?"

The inquiry didn’t immediately register and Deprideo jerked his body with his response. "Oh right! The box. Yes Lord. I have for you the most precious gift in all the world."

Grasping the chains of the Girl the Lord King lowered her like a Marionette to his feet. Slowly giving slack he ordered her. "Get it."

As she approached Deprideo looked into her eyes he frowned, orbs of emerald green and sorrow reflected his complexion.

"My god." Deprideo held the box out to her.

Calamity spoke softly in Deprideo’s mind.

Yes. I wanted you to see with your own eyes. What I give you next is two-fold Deprideo.

In his mind Deprideo heard the name, the manifestation of his loss and of his murderer. He looked up to the Lord King.

"Kahn."

A silence befell the room, not a single person breathed, not a single piece of armor clanked against its neighbor, the girl stopped motionless and the King’s eyes grew as wide as oceans.

"Where did you hear that name?" The King slammed his hands down against the arms of his throne, in doing so he yanked the chains of the girl sending her to the ground. "Tell me now."

Deprideo approached slowly. "That’s your name isn’t it." He looked around at the guards pointing their swift death upon him. "How quickly you forget." Deprideo looked up at the King. "How easy it is when one has no name."

The girl rose slowly and grasped the box, she began to stand just as the King took a step. His massive foot sending shockwaves around the room. Once again the box became earth bound though this time it sent its cargo across the floor. The statuette rolled a few times and halted before the base of the steps. Kahn looked down at it and froze.

"Where did you find that." He looked up at Deprideo. "Where did you hear that name? Who are you?"

Approaching ever closer Deprideo reached down and picked up the Bonobo. "I’m sorry child." He looked over at the girl. "To you I am infinitely more so." Without making eye contact Deprideo spoke to Kahn. "I am willing to make you an offer."

Kahn bellowed, his voice rattling the loose ornamentation around the room. "What makes you think you are in any position to barter with the Lord King?"

"Because I know you better than you do. The options here are few. Either you barter with me, or neither of us will survive today."

Kahn swung his massive arm while twisting his torso, the force of the blow sending his huge throne crashing through a column and into the wall. Fragments of marble and bone killed the guards who once stood there.

"Get out." Kahn looked around at the Guards who were now looking at him with faces contorted in fear. "I will not ask you again."

Quickly the remaining guards shuffled from the room. It was now Kahn, Deprideo, The Girl, and the Bonobo. The smell of blood mixing with the raw odor of the room.

"I give you the Bonobo and I take the girl."

"I take the Bonobo and I keep the Girl." Kahn responded.

"You may be large but you know as well as I that I can destroy this statuette before you can reach me."

Deprideo grasped the Bonobo around its legs.

"I scoured the entirety of Calmius in search of that Statuette. It was my destiny. How did you come to have it?"

Deprideo looked at the Statuette. "I made it myself."

Kahn took a step down. "Impossible. There was only one person in the world that could have made it and he died decades ago." Kahn focused in on Deprideo’s face. "You know what your name is. Tell me. Who are you?"

Deprideo smiled. "That wasn’t part of the deal. I take the girl and you get the Bonobo."

Kahn looked at the girl. "If I kill her and you destroy the Bonobo then what?"

"You won’t do that. Lets end this nonsense."

Deprideo held up the Statuette towards Kahn. "I know you better than you do. Do us both a favor and let us just end this.

Kahn reached out, his hand swallowing the entire arm of Deprideo. As he pulled back the Bonobo was no longer in Deprideo’s possession. Kahn held it close, inspecting it from top to bottom. "It’s more beautiful than I could have ever imagined." Releasing the chains he began to roll it around in his huge palms. "I finally have it. I finally can be free."

Kahn took the key from his waist and chucked it to the ground beside Deprideo. "There you are." Almost instantly he returned to gazing at the Bonobo. "So beautiful."

Deprideo released the girl and raised her from the ground. He took off his robe, revealing his warn undergarments below. Flakes of clay and other minerals caked all over them. "Here wear this." As the two made their way for the exit Kahn looked down at Deprideo, to see the caked on undergarments.

"So you are a sculptor. Before you go. Tell me. What is your name."

Just as they stepped out of the room Deprideo spoke his name at just above a whisper. "Deprideo."

As if stricken with nightshade the skin of Kahn’s palm beneath the Bonobo began to turn black. He stood motionless as the dark bruise spread through his hand and up his arm. It took every bit of strength within his massive frame for him to take a single step towards the door. He shouted as hard as he could but the sound never left his lips.

Deprideo looked at the Girl, her face resting silently upon his shoulder. "You remind me so much of my Daughter." He looked forward and continued to walk, his steps once again creating waves as before. "I know this is going to be hard to believe. But I’m your grandfather." She rested her face up against the side of his head and whispered into his ear. "I know."

A huge blast rushed from the throne room, sending a cloud of a million colors throughout the castle and bursting through its roof. A plume of plasma rocketed towards space, impacting with the clouds above it shot off in every direction blotting out the sun. The castle exploded into billions of fragments sending them soaring through the air in balls of every imaginable color of fire.

The rain of chaotic brimstone and fire fell slowly to the earth and as it touched the ground a momentary silence befell the land. Suddenly there was crash of sound and a flash of white.

Four Emerald Green eyes stood atop the hill looking out. The ground began to ripple like the sea and the wind shot off in every direction without cause. The ground cooled and each breath was visible.

"I’m going to give you back your innocence just as I was given mine."

  The following is not necessarily fact, indeed this is just a thought experiment on why I’m not too amazed that there is life or that life can manifest itself from a universe that is seemingly non-living.

  I am unsure of the exact mechanics of DNA and RNA. Nor do I know if these are the most basic of building blocks for life. However I am going to assume, for the sake of argument, that they are. If they are not you can quite easily, without breaking the point, replace their names with the actual names of the basic building blocks of life.

  If you were to take the chemicals that naturally occur upon Earth that are responsible for these basic building blocks and you placed them in a large vat. Lets say a vat the size of a stadium, something far smaller than the size of the Earth (almost ridiculously so) and you left them to constantly react to one another every moment of every day, for years and years, I am certain that you would in return find yourself with extremely simple life.

  This life would have an intelligence, however it would be absolutely basic. The operations of generating energy and replicating would be all that it does. Why? Well even non-living elements on the periodic table are (misnomer alert) instinctively searching to complete their outer electron shell. There is an inherent motivation to have a full ring and it is an ever present reality in our Universe. This basic need moves right on into life, the ever present desire to consume energy in order to complete operations that sustain a stable life pattern that gives the longest period of time to replicate and repeat this action.

  This function is so fantastically simple that it requires little in the way of blind faith to accept. It essentially is the spawning of a billion light switches that have binary modes. They have two extremely basic functions and they repeat these functions over and over.

  It is through this process of repetition and the ever present reality that nothing can (to our or at least my knowledge) perfectly replicate itself that we received change. These simple creatures began to have errors in their coding that resulted in extra operations becoming present. These extra operations, just like newer mechanical gadgets, presented even more gears to break. The more complicated anything gets the more there is to worry about after all.

  These compounding functions, of replication, error, and growth result over a period of time to what we see today. It is not difficult to believe either, when watching bacteria replicating at nearly breakneck speed I find myself wondering just how many sneezes are going on in the process. How unrelated the bacteria a few days later are from their great ancestors of the days prior (assuming the bacteria has a short lifespan of course).

  The shorter the lifespan of an organism the more present are these mechanisms I believe, because the shorter the lifespan of an organism, the more quickly it consumes and reproduces thus providing far more chances for replication and error. I’m sure this is not breaking science news for anyone but it is something I was thinking about recently. The point however is that at the most basic level of life. You really just have the same operations that are committed (at least in concept) at the electron level of elements. They are attempting to complete a simple circuit to establish a level of stability. It is this simple action that is present even in the non-living that drives all of life. Not necessarily the only thing, but I’m quite sure that the primary need of any organism is to maintain a stable energy level since every other operation after that requires it. You can’t exactly mate if you are dead…usually…ok there was that one time…wait…nevermind I’ve said too much.

  I hope you enjoyed this thought experiment. Tonight I will also be publishing my final version of the Alabaster Bonobo: Tides of Chaos. If you ever needed a reason to dislike Microsoft here it is: They have Wal-Mart in their dictionary but not Bonobo.

  It is often said that God sent the Devil to Hell as punishment for defying him and attempting to overthrow the kingdom of Heaven. Sure this makes absolutely no sense at all but lets just run with it and assume that it does. So with this in mind the Devil has established a very powerful trait, the Devil defies God. This fact enrages the Lord and thusly he reacts win the same manner as any Tyrant and banishes the Infidel.

  The story goes that the Devil is behind all the pain we go through. Sure Eve tricked Adam into eating the Apple but it was the Snake (Devil) that tricked her. So the idea stretches on to say that the Devil is hurting all people to get back at God for being an asshole who can’t take a little insurrection.

  I would think that there is a much easier way to get back at God. In fact an action that would be so infuriating that there would likely have to be a new even worse punishment (perhaps being made non existent). This would be not harming people, or even worse still helping them. In doing so the Devil would be defying God once again and would create a system where Heaven would be depleted of its members and the Devil would then essentially own his own Heaven. It would infuriate the one asshole he never could get a long with and it would absolve him of doing exactly what his old leader demanded.

  What I find almost incomprehensible is the idea that the Devil has not already thought this up. Considering the fact that I am merely a mortal and the Devil was originally an Angel of Heaven (the top angel wasn’t it). This leads me to ask the question of whether or not the Devil (if existent) is actually already doing this. If this is the case then it follows to ask who is causing all the pain in the world?

  What better way to get people into your following than to hurt those around you and put the blame on someone else. It is entirely possible that God, being defied by Satan again, has no other option but to hurt people in order to maintain the belief that Satan is harming folks and to perpetuate the system God originally put in place to get people into the club.

  Now this might sound preposterous however it really does fall on some pretty simple facts. These tactics have been used in Governments in Human History and it has been proven that the best way to Infuriate someone you can’t kill is to disobey them and to showcase just how powerless they actually are.

  Also doesn’t help that all of the mass murders in the Bible were perpetuated by God. Unless someone found a verse that says that the Devil was killing innocent babies, creating mass floods, and murdering hundreds of thousands of people to prove a point.

  There have been many lessons over the last 4 years of college for me. I think the greatest of ironies is that little to none of it was intended by the college. The first thing that I learned is that much of what I earned from college was not from any of the curriculum.

  If you are moving into Psychology you should expect something very disturbing. Namely the fact that you will be reading report after report of how to properly educate people in ways that will result in long term retention of information. However that information alone is obviously not disturbing, it is the fact that at no point will you ever experience this information in your courses. You will take spaced out massively cumulative exams and be taught in a very limited setup that is justified in the same manner every time “Well this is how I was taught.” You may not believe me yet, but just wait till you are in college. That was the same response I got from every Psychology professor and I imagine it’ll be the same for you.

  Diversity is more important than education. This is a very important thing to remember when going to college. Now I’ve been told that I will never understand because I’m white, which in no way will perpetuate stereotypes, but my understanding of the importance of diversity is unimportant. At least at this college you will hear the word diversity more than you will ever pride over quality of education. Humorously enough when you DO hear about the quality of your education it will be explained with the word diversity. This press of grotesquely uneven importance is why you are likely meeting all sorts of college graduates that are no more informed about anything (let alone their Majors) than the average Joe. Your brain is astronomically less important than your lineage or the natural color of your skin (sorry fake tanners).

  People do not go to college to become educated for the large part. More often than not when you ask folks why they are in college the answer is short “Job”. Because of this there is a much more prominent level of cheating. When your goal is education there is no logical reason to cheat, however when you goal is to get ahead it is almost a self fulfilling prophecy. I found it disheartening how many times people discussed in class how they were cheating with friends. What surprised me was not how prominent it was, that’s something my cynical self tends to assume, however it was how extraverted they were about it. It was absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. After all all that college is is a 20-40k dollar application to your career.

  So when you are sitting there with someone who has an absolutely astounding GPA and everything they are saying sounds like utter ignorance you can thank college. While it would be unfair of me to make such a statement about all folks who do well in college or all college students I do think it would be equally unfair to act like College actually educates the vast majority of its students. At least–not intentionally.

  On Episode 6 of Season 3 I believe that Penn and Teller said it far more succinctly than I have when they called College “Bullshit”.

  PS. I also met tons of lovely folks and easily a half dozen amazing professors (the rest were great people but mediocre instructors). Not everything about college is negative however none of the positives really have to do with the entire point of college which is the problem. You are not a bad person for going to college but it in no way makes you better than a large percentage of folks you meet on the streets. They can get the same education by reading the books you’ve read in most cases and save tens of thousands of dollars.

(The Following is the first 8 pages of a 15 page short story I’m writing. If you read this fear not, unlike the previous rough drafts the next addendum will actually be new material so you won’t be reading the same thing twice! )

Spiders thread their webs throughout the cobwebs, every insect gambling with its life as it travels the corridors of dust and line. This system of deception and murder was of no concern to the old man standing in the center of his basement. Their lives would rise and fall around his ears without a bit of sympathy.

"What will you become?" The old man ran his fingers across an alabaster cube that stood a foot tall upon his work bench.

This cube would become something grand, a figure of the utmost importance. In his old age the man knew that what he made next could very well be his final creation. He could not die in obscurity-he would not die in obscurity.

"Come my child. What shall I make of you?"

His eyes rolled along the cube vexingly, the question brooding like a man betrayed. Betrayed by time, by mortality, betrayed by the very shell he was a prisoner within.

Can you hear me? A voice called out from the depths of the old man’s mind. So humorous the teetering of the mind, we enter the world hearing the voices of the imaginary and we leave the world in kind. The voice spoke out once more. Deprideo can you hear me?

"I can hear many things. But I feel the more pertinent question is just who is ‘me’?" Deprideo quipped. Like a ripple across a pond he could hear a chuckle reverberating through his mind. You are perfect.

Deprideo puffed out his chest momentarily. "Now tell this old man something he doesn’t know." The faint image of a grin imprinted itself within his mind.

Your right kidney is small than your left one. The voice responded.

Deprideo turned his torso and examined his back, rubbing his left side. "Figures." It was odd for the old man, just where does one gaze when attempting to see what is in their mind. "So who is it that hides in this old Joker’s mind? You know of my name but I haven’t the faintest of yours."

There is power in knowing isn’t there. A cloud of gas formed in Deprideo’s mind, a storm of sorts brooding within his psyche. You may call me what you like, I have heard a million names before and will likely hear millions to come. The most popular amongst your people however may suit your security: Calamity.

Deprideo let out a gasp and placed a finger to his lower lip. "Oh my indeed. To what do I owe this great honor?" The voice began to hum in his mind, thinking deeply. Honor? You are very quick to flatter.

The cloud grew ever greater and began to flash a thousand different colors, the flashes grew ever brighter till one flashed white and Deprideo found himself momentarily blinded. As his vision returned he found himself standing amidst darkness. A floor of endless gray rolling off into horizons of complete blackness. From behind him Calamity spoke out. Quite spacious isn’t it.

Deprideo turned to find himself looking at Calamity, in a flash he realized where he was. "Quite a trick!" Deprideo gazed around once more. "I’m disappointed I thought by this time in my life there would be more in my mind."

The darkness bodes well for you. Any point of light in your mind is a place for thoughts to escape.

Deprideo eyed the glowing gaseous cloud that is Calamity. "Well then I might worry about you trotting in my mind."

Calamity laughed. You please me Deprideo. So I will return the favor. What is it you desire most?

Deprideo smiled. "I want what any man would want. I want a legacy."

The Gaseous cloud that was Calamity began to slow condensing in upon itself. Slowly the form of a human revealed itself before Deprideo. A Genderless form of chaotic perfection. Each moment that a sense of calm radiated from the form it was matched with a momentary burst which in turn collapsed back into itself.

Well Deprideo you shall join me in creating something great. Tonight we write a declaration of your majesty and at its bottom shall your name be signed.

Deprideo smiled, a sense of accomplishment already brooding within his heart. "I hate to question you though I must ask. How are we to accomplish this?"

Calamity turn to reveal the wall of Deprideo’s mind, with a flick of the wrist it peeled open to show Deprideo the inside of his Workshop. More specifically it showed him standing in front of his table, hands at the ready to shape the block of Alabaster.

What you have in your possession is my very essence. A shard of me torn from my being a thousand years ago. You will fashion from this a figure of the most unassuming nature, those who hold it shall know of no greater pleasure than to have it. Their very essence will fuel its gestation and from this lifeless seed shall I be reborn. The Isle of Calmius has lied dormant for too many years, you will aid me in revitalizing this land and I shall give you the honor that is being my progenitor.

Deprideo watched as he took effortless strokes at the Alabaster, each swing of the chisel and each chip of the stone was perfect; almost effortless. The night bore on ever more as he sat there in his mind, his body a machine working without his guidance. Behind him stood Calamity, hands resting upon his shoulders.

If ever an inkling of fear enters your heart you are to scoff at it, if ever a doubt you are to crush it, for once this is complete you are a man of unrivaled greatness and these petty squabbles are not of your concern.

Deprideo smiled and placed his hand on one of Calamity’s. "There are not words to describe my appreciation for this gift."

Calamity walked around Deprideo. This is only the beginning of the gifts you shall receive. Calamity press a hand over Deprideo’s eyes and shoved against his head, he felt as if he had been shoved out of his own skin. As he fell a moment of doubt filled his mind.

The thud of his head against the dirt was unexpected, however given the night he wasn’t overly surprised. The cobwebs greeted his vision as he looked around.

"I’m back in the basement?" Deprideo rubbed his head. "That better not have been a dream."

Deprideo stood up slowly looking around the room. "That would be the most cliche-" Deprideo’s jaw dropped as he gazed upon a statue of perfection. However it was not the statue itself that had filled his mind with awe specifically, nor was it the fact that Calamity had chosen a Bonobo as the figure of choice, nay it was what he saw reflected in the statue.

"My Child-" Deprideo paused rubbing his face. "I’m young again."

Deprideo lifted the Bonobo from his table, the feel of it was almost too surreal to describe. A statue of the utmost purity. Pleasure glided throughout his body, as it did a cautionary voice spoke out from the hollows of his mind.

I have gifted you with the youth worthy of my Progenitor and I have protected you from the full affects of your child. However you must make haste with giving this to he who has wronged you and indeed us all the most.

"How do you know it is a he?" Deprideo responded.

Oh how quickly does youth instill naivety. I know what has happened to you Deprideo and we both are beyond all certainty upon who this Bonobo belongs.

Deprideo gazed up the basement to the door. "How quickly does the rise seem easy."

The creek of the old Basement door, the chattering of the aged floorboards, the dancing of dust against backdrops of soot and cobwebs. It was becoming immediately apparently to Deprideo that in his old age he had forgotten about something all too obvious. The poverty he had accepted as fact.

"Oh this is indeed unacceptable." Deprideo placed the statue upon a table near his from door window. The sun was beating overhead upon the sun scorched dirt roads that lead around the capital city of Calmius. Beams of light invaded his home at every opportunity, making apparent that it was not merely the local church that was holey.

Deprideo inexplicably chuckled as he entered his bedroom. "What will I wear on this most momentous of occasions?" A quick dash around his wardrobe revealed, as with many of the mornings events, an unsettling truth. "I have absolutely terrible taste in clothing."

As he shuffled around clothing an emerald green robe caught his eye. "Well hello there." Curious Deprideo pulled the robe from the closet. "I take it you are the next gift then."

Wise beyond your years Deprideo.

"Literally."

Shifting his robe about himself Deprideo made his way into the hall. An unusual event caught his eye. A beam of light crawled up along the table that supported the Bonobo, as it rolled along the surface of the statue it reflected in all directions. Finally it slowed upon the surface of the Bonobo, two beams of light both ended at a single point in the adjacent room.

Deprideo walked around the corner to see their target, a small wooden box that was wrapped in a tanned leather hide. "Oh exquisite taste indeed." Deprideo walked over and lifted up the box. "When I was younger this box held my collection of fantasy game guides." He dusted off the sides of the box. "It would appear that it hasn’t moved since then."

Walking back to the statue he set the box down and lifted the Bonobo. "So now my child today you shall become my legacy and I shall be eternally your proud father." Slowly he lowered the Bonobo into the box and atop the box he rested its matching lid. "You certainly have exquisite taste in transit."

"No need to lock the door today." Deprideo said as he left his home, walking out into the burning sun. "No I think today is my first day of fearlessness."

The walk to the castle was an odd mishmash of emotions for Deprideo. The breeze that had greeted him thousands of days before was all there, swinging merchant signs to and fro upon their rusted old chains on either side of the road. However the sun seemed to be hurling every ounce of strength it had at stopping Deprideo dead. A celestial being roaring in rage as he marched along the scorched earth, delivering a package of unbelievable power.

The capital of Calmius had been built upon a large hill, not quite large enough to be called a mountain yet far too large for such misconceptions not to be made. Atop this mountain-like hill was the Capitol, a castle whose size while dwarfed by its base was still difficult to overlook. Hundreds of thousands of marble blocks formed towering spires each topped with dozens of archers.

Within its walls sat a Barbarian, a man credited largely for the taming of Calmius and the joining of the many nations within. His name unknown to all he is merely called the Lord King. However not all his accomplishments are of pride, he is a nefarious letch kidnapping women and girls alike, slaves of passion none have ever left the castle.

Millions have died because of the Lord King, though it is said that with their deaths the peace many more millions shall be seen.

As he marched to the top of the Hill Deprideo let out a sigh of relief, turning to peer out from his newfound view. Sweat too beaded on his brow, perhaps in hopes of too getting a look.

"It’s all so…lifeless. Where is it? Where is the-"

Spark.

"Yes. Where is the Spark."

Deprideo gazed down at his parcel. "Ah. My child then?"

Soon.

Not one arrow found itself notched in the direction of Deprideo, not one spear, sword, nor lance was pointing to his person. Indeed all seemed prepared for his approach. Two men reflecting all the suns ferocity off their steel armament greeted Deprideo as he approached the main doors.

"The King has-" The first was cut off by the second. "-been expecting you."

Deprideo cocked a brow.

"You will-" Once again cut off. "-Enter immediately."

The massive mahogany doors opened to reveal the innards of the castle. A place that few had entered and of those even fewer of their own desire. The smell of roast and sex flowed out like slime from the sewers making its way past Deprideo. It hit his brain like a hammer.

"That smell could eat the wool off a sheep." Deprideo looked at the guards. "Am I right?"

Neither guard answered.

"Alright then. I’ll-I’ll be going inside."

I thought it was good.

"Thank you."

The floor of the castle was covered from edge to edge in layers of silk and satin, pillars of marble reflected the glow of walls encased in silver and gold. Each step caused pockets of air to flow along the silk creating seas of fabric, waves smashed into waves. As he made his way through the room the torrent grew stronger. It was unsettling to him how the waves crashed into him and faded away.

"Such a grand show of power ultimately masking something grandly meek."

The main room ran on for ages, to either his right or left it was a few dozen feet to the walls where door after door lead to places unknown. Not a single guard stood in this room, it was entirely without life save for Deprideo.

Though as if signaled by the nonexistent the doors at the farthest end of the room opened. He could not quite yet make out who was inside. Deprideo was met however once again with a silent killer, a stench that could stun the unprepared.

Deprideo cracked open the lid. "I see now why you wanted to come in a box."

The main throne room was expectedly massive. Towering columns, silk laden floor, dozens of steps leading up to a throne of gold. It was all so obvious that it disgusted Deprideo. What was new however was the walls lined with armed archers each pointing their loaded crossbows at Deprideo’s head.

That and the monstrous Lord King sitting within the throne. Sitting on his lap a nude girl clad in chains.

The king spoke out to Deprideo in a voice that was as deep and dark as the forest of hairs across his exposed chest. "So are you him?"

"It depends. Is the fellow you are waiting for supposed to be tasting all these arrows?"

A quick nearly subsonic laugh escaped the King. It knocked Deprideo back a step.

"You don’t speak as if you would pass up the meal."

"Touché"

"So we’ll try an easier question." The King pointed with his free hand, his tree trunk of a finger pointing squarely at the box and everything else in that general direction. "Is that for me?"

Yes.

"I know what to say."

"What?"

"Oh nothing. Yes. This is for you."

The King shook the chains of his captive. "Get it." Lowering her like a marionette from his lap to the floor he loosened the grip to give her enough slack to make it to reach Deprideo.

As the girl approached Deprideo the King spoke out. "You understand my confusion?"

Deprideo shrugged. "No I can’t say that I do."

"The one I saw in the vision did not look like you. He was much older-distinguished."

"I’m sure I’ll suffice." Deprideo halted his train of thought. "Distinguished you say? Anything else about him you remember?"

"He looked weak."

Deprideo frowned. "Oh." His pride shattered.

You are no longer that man. Soon Deprideo…

The girl was barely 5 feet tall. Deprideo handed the box to her and frowned. She looked frail and poorly fed.

"So young man. What is your name?"

Deprideo paused and tapped his temple. "My name has long since escaped me." He looked at the king and smiled. "You understand I’m sure?"

The King laughed, his momentary jerk yanked the chains sending the girl to her feet and the box tumbling from her hands. From it the Alabaster Bonobo rolled halfway out. The King gazed down at it and his eyes grew wide enough to burst.

"This! How did you get it! I have searched the land from shore to shore in search of this!" The King stood, his massive figure towering into the air.

"I made it myself." Deprideo walked towards the girl. "That is my grandest creation."

Holding out his hand the slave girl held onto it and he pulled her up.

"Impossible. I have searched for this for longer than you have lived."

"Oh nothing is impossible." Deprideo continued. "Of all people you should know that-Kahn."

The floor of the castle was covered from wall to wall in rolling layers of silk and satin. The folds of fabric mimicked the tides of the sea as Deprideo made his way towards the King’s chambers. Polished Marble Columns reflected the gold and silver that adorned every exposed inch of the room.

As Deprideo approached, the doorway to the chamber opened to greet him. The motion of the door over the endless waves of silk created a tsunami outwards towards him. The gentle caress of the fabric against his clothing was oddly surreal.

Atop a lavish throne of gold sat the King of Calmius. Very few knew his true name. As was told in stories of the Castle a young girl sat silently upon the King’s lap, he was known for his conquests of all kinds. Deprideo entered the room his hands clasped tightly to the box.

“I was told of your coming.” Said the King; his voice deep and dark as the forest of hair across his exposed chest. “A voice has invaded my dreams for the last week telling me of a young man who would bring me the first gift.”

Deprideo approached cautiously, against ever wall were guards armed with bow and sword prepared to kill any assassin. “So this is why I was allowed entry without question Lord King?”

The King nodded gesturing Deprideo to approach the steps leading up to his throne. “You will place the gift at the bottom of the steps and step back. I will then send…” The King looked down at the young girl silently. “…her to pick it up.”

Deprideo smiled masking the thoughts within. “He holds her prisoner within his home and does not even know her name. Is there any honor to be had amongst conquerors?”

The King snapped his fingers. “Are you all right?”

Deprideo snapped out of his contemplation. “Oh yes! My apologies.” He stepped forward and placed the box upon the bottom of the steps. As it met the silk a ripple ran out in all directions ceasing just short of any guards feet, an ominous sign of events soon to come.

The king gestured the girl off his lap, his massive size exaggerated even further the scale between him and his captive. She hopped down and walked down to the box, her eyes stripped of any sort of spirit, a shell of a once vigorous youth. It disgusted Deprideo to such a degree he wished he too had power to match that of the King. Though…he had something.

The girl carried the box to the King and raised it towards him. His massive paws grasped the box as if it were a breadcrumb. His smile grew against the rigid nature of his frame, a figure of almost pure muscle it was difficult for the King to produce emotions as each muscle jammed up against the next. It was this trait that lead many to nickname him “Coldstone.” A heartless conqueror who made no gesture of emotion towards even the most innocent of victims.

The raising of the box lid seemed to reveal the answers to all things to the King as his eyes grew wide enough to burst. “This!” He dropped the box to the ground nearly hitting his captive. “How did you get this?” Shouted the King who quickly motioned his guards to prep their weapons.

Deprideo stood momentarily confused. “I made it myself.”

Reaching down the King picked the Bonobo from the Box with two meaty fingers and held it towards Deprideo. “I have searched every inch of these lands for this statue. It has haunted my dreams since I was a child. You could not possibly have made it.”

Even behind his nearly frozen face Deprideo could sense fear. “Oh? How do you know?” The guards lifted their bows and prepped arrows.

The King stood from his throne knocking the young girl down the steps. “You are just a boy. There is certainty that one such as you could not construct something so majestic. So tell me boy…who are you?”

Deprideo eyed the King his gaze focusing ever tighter upon the Kings eyes. “I believe at this point the more pertinent question is just who are you?” Deprideo waved his hands through the air showcasing the entire room. “Who are you to think that you deserve all this?”

The King stomped, the shockwave from his foot rocking the foundation and causing everyone in the room to rock back and forth. A single guard misfired and nearly killed Deprideo missing his head by inches. The King shouted. “Lower your weapons you fools!” Returning to Deprideo he continued. “How dare you question my reign. I have crossed the land from edge to edge to gain the world I know rule. What have you done?”

“Me?” Deprideo responded. “I have lived a life of obscurity and I have watched the world crash around me.” Deprideo patted his robe with an open hand. “But I now find myself having conquered the unconquerable. Can you make such a statement?”

The King stepped down to the floor towering over Deprideo. “Crash you say? Is it during this crash that you came into control of this statue? What great misdeed did you commit to come across such perfection?”

Deprideo looked straight up, his neck straining. “I have committed treason and murder.”

The King’s eyes opened wide as he placed his free hand upon the hilt of his massive claymore.

“I betrayed the very unbreakable laws of time and have murdered the old Deprideo. What stands before you is a man untouchable. What you hold in your hands is the seeds of your undoing; you grasp between your clumsy claws my child. What you hold with such ever tightening intrigue is my progeny…my legacy.”

“Above all else I hold the final key to your undoing oh king. I have your name.” A silence fell over the room.