Rico Penguin

This will be a consistently updated thread of jokes I’ve either made up or funny events in my life. Some might make you laugh and some might not, but the fact is that I’m making nothing up. I feel this way it makes it easier for me to support it later (since I don’t have to remember a lie). There is no set date when I’ll update it just when things come to mind.

Why is my washing machine making things wet

How many people here use a teaspoon while consuming tea?

I propose that we give it a more accurate name:

Rarelyforteaspoon

When I was younger one of my friends (Jordan F.) had a pet rat in his house in a big fish tank. Now I don’t know if this is common with rats but his rat had gigantic balls. When you would walk into the house he would wait until you were within sight and he would sit back on his own balls like they were a portable beanbag chair. His front arms would hang down as if framing them and he’d just stare at you. Each time we’d make direct eye contact I could hear him in my head with a deep spanish accent saying.

“Look at them. They are magnificent.”

During a game of football in the backyard one of my friends (once again Jordan) was eating cotton candy. Someone told him “I bet you couldn’t eat all that at one time.” Jordan being the guy that he was decided to take the bet and engorged an adult sized heads’ worth of cotton candy in a single bite. It all looked like it was going well before his face started turning cherry red and he fell to the floor. Jordan choked for a minute as we beat on his back hoping he wouldn’t die until finally the candy came up in a ball of what I can only assume was an edible nightmare.

For a moment he sat there his face regaining its color. He looked around at us and smiled and then he gazed down.

“Cotton Candy!”

Jamming the ball of melted cotton candy back into his mouth.